Dr. Willow Jenkins, a child psychiatrist, emphasizes that parents should speak less and listen more in conversations with teenagers. She believes that building a close and trusting relationship requires a change in communication methods.
Challenges of Raising Teenagers
The teenage years can present new challenges for the relationship between parents and children. Children who once looked at their parents with affection and admiration may suddenly reach a stage where they are unwilling to listen to them. Increased arguments, mood swings, changes in sleep patterns, and the evolving language and terminology used by teenagers are just some of the challenges parents face during this period.
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Listening Instead of Lecturing
In a video on the social media platform TikTok, Jenkins told parents that if you talk more, you are actually "lecturing" your teenager rather than having a conversation. She emphasized that in a healthy conversation, the teenager should speak more than the parents so they can understand what their child is really thinking. Her advice for creating better dialogues is to start with a question and then pause and truly listen.
This psychiatrist also identified "listening more instead of lecturing" as one of the traits of successful parents. Maintaining calm during problems and striving to rectify parental mistakes are also signs of true success in parenting.
Creating an Emotionally Safe Space
Creating an emotionally safe space free from pressure helps teenagers talk more easily about their feelings and problems. Experts suggest that parents use open-ended and neutral emotional questions, such as "How are things going these days?" or "How do you feel at school, among friends, or in daily life?"
Lauren Young, a therapist accredited by the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy, also emphasizes that parents should resist the temptation to immediately solve all of their teenager's problems. She suggests recognizing teenagers' feelings and thanking them for sharing their issues with their parents.
These behaviors show the teenager that their parents are there for them and that their feelings are valid. Debbie Keenan, a psychotherapist and member of the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy, states that the goal should not always be for the teenager to "open up immediately," but rather to remind them that they are not alone and that their parents are a reliable presence in their life.
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